Empathy

Empathy is a very important part of the parenting skills that the Love and Logic Institute teach. Empathy is not a , "Oh honey, I am so sorry for you." That is kind of more of a sympathy statement . Sympathy tells how you feel.
Empathy gives a wise projection of how they might feel. Sympathy comes into play because your projection is more than likely based on your own experiences .Parents gives empathy to their child who due to a bad choice is suffering a consequence of some kind. Thus giving the child the idea that the parent is really rooting for him to be able to make a better choice next time.
Parents also give empathy when they tell their child that to ease the consequence would destroy a learning moment for them , and they love their child way to much to do that.

I've been thinking about a plan for the next time my child over sleeps and misses an event that she really wanted to attend.
I've been trying to think of an empathic statement that would do all of the above.
My child has ADHD and she has explained to me what it is like for an ADHD individuals brain .

She said it is like messages running in your head all the time, kind of like words lit in lights running across a screen. She says, "she might have actually the best idea about something that will make her so happy and she plans to act on it, but before she can finish reading that message another message comes running through and she will completely forget about that really good idea."

Her brain is so tired that when it finally does stop with all the messages and let her go to sleep, her body just does not want to start again , unless she just has to.

Now I do not have ADHD but I ran this scenario by another adult who does have ADHD and he said, "yes, that is exactly how it is for him too."

This gap in my being able to sympathize , because I do not have ADHD makes having a wise empathetic statement really hard to come up with.

Now if she did not have ADHD , I would say something like, " Oh, I know you must miss not going with your cousin shopping at the mall , because you over slept."

The over sleeping issue seems to me not to be a behavioral problem but a physical problem that she will need to at some point overcome. The other behavioral issues that we have addressed and won have always been achieved because she became convinced that I was allowing consequences to happen because I love her.

That is what Love and Logic Institute teaches and I am so glad that I have used their techniques over the past 9 years.

There is a support group for parents of children ages 11 and older, in Saline County , AR.

Check out the other posts for dates and times.